it's so easy to tell with me. i feel so transparent. i put on team sleep and i get listless and numb.(er) 
all of my fellow authors are having a hard time right now. nothing is coming out for them. gotta sell their shit on ebay when their books are sitting on shelves. me? well i got tons baby. i feel like it's coming out of my pores. under my eyes. i am doing nothing about it. i have kept all the notes in my head and heart and i tell myself i can't part ways. 
so i sit here. hair is long and a mess. my teeth are white and gleaming. i feel like i've put on weight. no jutting hip bones. 119. it's better this way.
right?
when i lose my best friend to prison and i can't finish any projects. 
i think the hospital was right.
i have no veins.
i certainly don't feel life right now.
bah.

it's real fucking hard to travel when you open up your suitcase and your male dog has pissed it a few times.

i signed up for this not knowing really why? memories are slipping by me fast, i have this urgent need to get them somewhere. i am cooking a totinos pizza though, so shit gonna be quick.
i found bloody tissue in my bathroom garbage can today. it was dried blood. rust colored. i've been sick, but shit ain't mine. my blood comes from different places. my garbage can is a paint bucket. the 10 gallon kind. my throat has been bad. bruised. see throat cancer. see bruised windpipe. almost would think a pug has been sleeping on my neck. good thing she's the only bitch i trust.haha. yesterday i was bed ridden, so noodle kept me entertained. he's 6 and perfect. i let him cuss around me. no one knows though. it makes me laugh. it makes both of us laugh really hard. he just says stuff like "oh, you're an asshole - what is an asshole?". his teeny perfect voice. then i sat up in my bed and told stories of how i remember the first video ever onm tv. that, i , remember the launching of mtv. i think i was 5. that shit is clear though. 
timer's up. then i'm going to come back here and search for "interests" under "felching". those are my kind.